Halloween Jokes
Read Jokes about Ghosts, Witches, Skeletons, Vampires, Werewolves and more


Where do ghosts mail their letters?
Answer: At the ghost office

What do goblins mail home while on vacation?
Answer: Ghostcards.

What's a ghosts favorite ride at the carnival?
Answer: The roller ghoster

What's a ghosts favorite fruit?
Answer: Boo-berries

What do you get when you goose a ghost?
Answer: A handfull of sheet!

Why did the ghost cross the road?
Answer: To get to "THE OTHER SIDE"

What tops off a ghost's sundae?
Answer: Whipped Scream

What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
Answer: "Make a fright turn at the corner."

Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Answer: Because he's always a goblin.

What happens when a ghost gets lost in a fog?
Answer: He's mist

Where does a ghost refuel his porche?
Answer: At the ghastly station

Where did the goblin throw the football?
Answer: Over the ghoul line.

What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
Answer: Toasty ghosty.

What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Answer: Hoblin Goblin.

What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Answer: Fasten your sheet belt.

How do ghosts fly from one place to another?
Answer: By scareplane.

What kind of street does a ghost like best?
Answer: A dead end.

What do you say to a ghost with three heads?
Answer: Hello, hello, hello.

What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
Answer: A boo-loney sandwich.

Where do little ghosts learn to yell "BOO!"?
Answer: In noisery school.

What does a goblin shop for?
Answer: Grosseries.

What's a goblin's favorite flavor?
Answer: Lemon n' Slime.

Witches [top]

What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Answer: Spelling!

What do you call a wicked witch who lives by the sea?
Answer: A Sand-witch

Why did the witch's mail rattle?
Answer: It was a chain letter.

What is a witch with poison ivy called?
Answer: An itchy witchy.

What's a cold, evil candle called?
Answer: The wicked wick of the north.

Why did the witch stand up in front of the audience?
Answer: She had to give a screech.

Why does a witch ride on a broom?
Answer: Vacuum cleaners have to be plugged into the wall.

How do you make a witch stew?
Answer: Keep her waiting for hours.

What has a black hat, flies on a broomstick, and can't see anything?
Answer: A witch with her eyes closed.

How do you picture yourself flying on a broom?
Answer: By witchful thinking.

What does a sorceress wear?
Answer: A bewitching outfit.

Vampires [top]

Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
Answer: In the casketeria.

What do you call Count Dracula's cookout?
Answer: Vampire camfire.

Where do vampires live?
Answer: In the Vampire State Building.

Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?
Answer: It was a stake sandwich.

What is a vampires favortie mode of transportation?
Answer: A blood vessel.

Why wasn't the vampire working?
Answer: He was on his coffin break.

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
Answer: A blood hound.

What do you get when you cross sleeping beauty and Dracula?
Answer: Iron poor blood

What's a vampire's favorite feast?
Answer: Fangsgiving Day dinner.

Why did the vampire need mouthwash?
Answer: She had bat breath.

Skeletons [top]

When does a skeleton laugh?
Answer: When something tickles his funny bone.

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
Answer: It had no body to dance with.

What sailor like to be chilled to the bone?
Answer: A skeleton crew.

What instrument does a skeleton play?
Answer: A trombone.

Werewolves [top]

What do you get when you cross a were-wolf with a drip-dry suit?
Answer: A wash-and-werewolf.

Who are some of the werewolves cousins?
Answer: The whatwolves and the whenwolves.

What kind of hot dogs do werewolves like best?
Answer: Hallowieners.


Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
Answer: His ghoul friend.

What's a ghoul's favorite breakfast cereal?
Answer: Rice Creepies.


What's black, white, orange, and waddles?
Answer: A penguin with a jack-o-lantern.

How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
Answer: With a pumpkin patch!

Black Cats [top]

Why did the black cat cross the road?
Answer: To catch up with the chicken.

Why are black cats such good singers?
Answer: They're very mewsical.


Why was the mummy so tense?
Answer: He was all wound up.

Knock knock! [top]

Knock knock! Who's there?
Boo! Boo Who?
Ah, don't cry, Halloween is just around the corner!

Knock Knock Who's there?
Wanda. Wanda who?
Wanda go for a ride on my broomstick?

Others [top]

What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the body of his dog?
Answer: I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.

How can you tell when windows are scared?
Answer: They get shudders.

What do you call serious rocks?
Answer: Grave stones.

Why was the zombie so grumpy?
Answer: She woke up too early in the mourning.

What do birds give out on Halloween?
Answer: Tweets.

What do little trees say on Halloween?
Answer: Twig or treat.

What do you call a person who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
Answer: A cereal killer

What's a MUMMY's favorite music?
Answer: WRAP Music!

There was a very old man who was lying upstairs dying. His grand daughter came in and said "Hi Grandpa" , "Hi little sweetie" he said. "Say, are those Grandmas extra special cookies I smell?" "Yes" she replied. "Do you think you can sneek down stairs and get a couple for me?" "Sure" she replied. In a few minutes, the little girl came back with a frown on her face. Grandpa asked, "What's wrong? " " Grandma wouldn't let me have any, she says they are for after the funeral."

As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so
they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed
that they were carrying two dead raccoons.

"Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" he asked.
"No, thanks," replied one of the vultures. "They're carrion."

If you have a joke you would like to share please email it to us! [top]


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